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antithesis
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Posted 3:58 pm, 05/13/2024
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Long Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest, Tonto hops off of his horse and puts his ear to the ground.
"Buffalo come," says Tonto.
Long Ranger asks, "How do you know?"
Tonto replies...
"Ground sticky."
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Huckabee
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Posted 9:52 am, 05/13/2024
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A truck driver picked this lady up at a rest area this side of Statesville N.C. He got her in the sleeper of his rig and started to have sex with her. He didn't realize he had a woman that was prone to epileptic fits. He and the lady were about to climax and she so happened to go into one of those seizures. She was going ah ah ah oh oh oh um um and her eyes was rolled back in her head. She just kept having the seizure and he drove on off down Interstate 77 and she just kept going on ah ah ah oh oh oh um oh um ah. When he gets to Statesville he pulls into Iredell Memorial Hospital and carries her to the emergency entrance. The doctors ask him what was the matter with her. He said I don't have any idea. She just kept going ah ahh oh oh um ah with her eyes rolled back. The doctor said to the truck driver would you like to take a wild guess at whats wrong. The truck driver said if I was guessing I would say her comer is stuck.
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antithesis
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Posted 1:46 am, 05/13/2024
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A biker goes into a brothel and says that he wants something different, something he's never had before. Madam thinks for a minute, says "Angie, room 210". He heads up, kicks open the door, and there, on the edge of the bed sits Angie. Every bit of 80 years old.
The biker says, "I hear you got something I ain't never tried before."
She says, "Yeah, I do". She pops her glass eye out, and says, "Stick it in there".
The biker throws it in, does his thing, afterwards is laying on the bed, panting. "That was incredible. I ain't never had anything like that before. Next time I'm in town, I'm going to come see you again".
Angie replies, "I'll keep my eye out for ya".
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knslyr
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Posted 7:11 pm, 05/12/2024
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Spock says, "Yo mama so fat she outweighs the needs of the many!"
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antithesis
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Posted 3:04 pm, 05/12/2024
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An elderly couple are celebrating their 50th anniversary at the restaurant where they first met. They begin reminiscing about old times.
"Honey, do you remember when we made love against that fence out back?" the man asks.
"Of course", replies the woman, "that was a night to remember! We should do it again, for old times' sake."
The old man grins and takes his wife out the back exit.
Their waiter, having overheard this, decides he has to see if they can actually still do it, and follows them out. He sees the old woman lift her dress and the old man drop his trousers. She leans against the fence and they immediately start going at it like jackhammers, frantically pounding into each other!
After a good while, they collapse back onto the ground and lay there gasping.
The waiter approaches, and says, "I'm sorry to seem like a voyeur, but that was some of the most amazing sex I've ever seen! I can't believe you two have been doing it like that for 50 years!"
The old man replies, "Well, 50 years ago that fence wasn't electrified."
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knslyr
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Posted 10:19 am, 05/12/2024
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Our last 3 president were in a spelling bee, which one won? obama! Do you know why? He was the only one that could spell harass as one word!
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antithesis
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Posted 1:07 am, 05/12/2024
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Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them.
One old lady immediately had a stroke.
The other couldn't quite reach.
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DLD
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Posted 5:33 pm, 05/11/2024
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This farmer was plowing with a team of mules when he got the urge to have sex. He tied his mules to a tree an went to the has an messed around a little while getting his wife in the mood. After they had sex he suggested that from now on for her to watch an when she saw him tie up the mules to get ready so he wouldnt waste tim e. A few days went by an he was back plowing when he looked an saw his house on fire. He tied his team up an ran to the house. There his wife lay in the bed waiting on him. The dude said, just like a **** woman wanting to screw an the house burning down.
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DB Cooper
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Posted 5:27 pm, 05/11/2024
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I once set the sprinkle system off in the old Kmart....
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DLD
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Posted 5:22 pm, 05/11/2024
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Every morning this guy would wake up an fart so loud it could be heard from the kitchen where his wife was preparing breakfast. His wife told him one day you will fart your guts out.Well he kept on until thanksgiving. His wife was preparing a turkey for dinner an she had cleaned out the inards of it. A evil thought came to her as she looked at those guts. She slipped back upstairs an observed him still asleep. She pulled back the covers an eased back his shorts an dumped the pan of turkey guts in them.
She went back to the kitchen an heard him wake an fart real big. Then she heard him cry out, oh my god she was right. After about fifteen minutes he came down the steps an yelled, honey you was right, but by the grace of god I managed to cram them all back .in.
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